Sylvia Plath reads Lady Lazarus

I have done it again.
One year in every ten
I manage it----

A sort of walking miracle, my skin
Bright as a Nazi lampshade,
My right foot

A paperweight,
My face a featureless, fine
Jew linen.

Peel off the napkin
0 my enemy.
Do I terrify?----

The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth?
The sour breath
Will vanish in a day.

Soon, soon the flesh
The grave cave ate will be
At home on me

And I a smiling woman.
I am only thirty.
And like the cat I have nine times to die.

This is Number Three.
What a trash
To annihilate each decade.

What a million filaments.
The peanut-crunching crowd
Shoves in to see

Them unwrap me hand and foot
The big strip tease.
Gentlemen, ladies

These are my hands
My knees.
I may be skin and bone,

Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman.
The first time it happened I was ten.
It was an accident.

The second time I meant
To last it out and not come back at all.
I rocked shut

As a seashell.
They had to call and call
And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.

Dying
Is an art, like everything else,
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

It's easy enough to do it in a cell.
It's easy enough to do it and stay put.
It's the theatrical

Comeback in broad day
To the same place, the same face, the same brute
Amused shout:

'A miracle!'
That knocks me out.
There is a charge

For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart----
It really goes.

And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood

Or a piece of my hair or my clothes.
So, so, Herr Doktor.
So, Herr Enemy.

I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby

That melts to a shriek.
I turn and burn.
Do not think I underestimate your great concern.

Ash, ash ---
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there----

A cake of soap,
A wedding ring,
A gold filling.

Herr God, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.

 

We Never Change

I wanna live life and never be cruel.
I wanna live life and be good to you.

And I wanna fly and never come down.
And live my life and have friends around.

We never change, do we? no, no
We never learn, do we?

So I wanna live in a wooden house.

I wanna live life and always be true.
I wanna live life and be good to you.

And I wanna fly and never come down.
And live my life and have friends around.

We never change, do we? No, no
We never learn, do we?

So I wanna live in a wooden house,
where making more friends would be easy.

Oh, and I don´t have a soul to save.
Yes, and I sin every single day.

We never change, do we?
We never learn, do we?

So I wanna live in a wooden house,
Where making more friends would be easy.
I wanna live where the sun comes out …

-Coldplay

i have been across the wind

your face so enchanting i came to say

hello, hello my dear, my stranger.

underneath the starlight is blooming

we’re glowing  in the night

spin me round and round

cause i can’t seem to stay still in your arms

i stay.

randomness at work..

what’s that i hear,

across the living room table

sliding off, and oh my gosh

one second off and you could have

saved me, oh, saved me.

it’s spilling and i’m spilling right

over the edge

into nothing, a vast black hole that’ll

lead me right back into you.

hear my plea, i’m begging please

this ain’t no metal armor

keeping my heart warm

my dear, it is fragile, i am fragile.

it’s spilling and i’m spilling right

over the edge

into nothing, a vast black hole that’ll

lead me right back into you.

yearning for something

my self loathing moment has once again come to surface and i can’t get this dream out of my head. i am not a new york person…i mean i don’t think i am. i’d love to visit and see the massive city and what it has to offer but in no way do i think i’d ever fit in. but right now, i have this pitiful yearning that is nagging at my soul and it’s telling me, “i wonder what it would be like to live in new york city for a while?” even if it was for 2 weeks. new york city streets are flashing before my eyes and i’m loving it.

and yet i can’t get up to do my laundry or visit the genius bar at the apple store. this lazy period needs to pass very soon.

again.

again,

i’m thinking too much about it again.

something so small and unimportant,

but i can’t help myself to over think.

and now i can’t concentrate on anything else

but that one thing. again.

heart break

i don’t remember what heartbreak feels like.

i can get a taste of it if i see something heartbreaking.

…actually, i lied. i don’t think i’ve ever felt it.

i could say that i have felt it before but i’d be lying even more because

i don’t know if what i had was my heart actually breaking.

now i’m just rambling. goodnight.

Summer Read

1. The Bell Jar

2.  My Sister’s Keeper

3. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

4.  Seven days in the Art World

5.  The Historian (i will finish it this time..i hope)

6.  The Fountainhead

7.  The Great Gatsby (for the second time)

8.  Eat, Pray, Love

9.  The Time Traveler’s Wife

this book list will keep me busy.

any suggestions for great reads?

Doubt.

This is probably my hormones talking or the movies and shows i keep watching but i don’t think i’ll ever be worthy enough for that. I love seeing old people in love walking hand in hand because you know that love is true, and its forever. For it to last that long is like a movie in itself. 

I was on the bus today and i saw 3 teenagers. 2 were a couple and one was the third wheel; i saw it in her eyes. That is what i have always felt and its probably what i’ll always feel. 

I’m pessimistic, i’m self-conscious, i will forever be flawed. 

and i think i’m getting used to that. 

 

ok, i’m done being emo.

time to be happy again.

Crazy Spicy Chicken

if you may not know, i also love to cook. and somehow i just come up with things. so i thought i’d actually write something down and get it right the second time.

What you’ll need:

2 tablespoons of chili paste
1 tablespoon of A1 steak sauce
2 teaspoons of garlic
1 tablespoon of vinegar
add black pepper and salt to your liking.

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2 chicken breasts (cut into dices or strips…or both!)

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All you have to do is mix up all the ingredients!
Then cut up your chicken and massage the sauce onto the chicken.
Let it marinade in the refrigerator for 10-15 minutes.

and voila!

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jeez the color quality is so bad! the chicken is much redder than that up there!

i needed some veggies so i sauteed some green beans and peppers and topped it off with some parmesan.

a little Tim Burton in my head.

the window is open and a breeze comes my way.

my red curtains have a life of their own,

like blood on my walls they brighten my day.

the cellophane thats on the floor is crackling a ling.

i open my eyes and what do i see? 

nothing is there for me, nothing enchanting i see,

nothing just nothing. oh my. 

 

eerie and dark they must think i am foolish

but i just want to be alone.

my little wooden door is open for you to come 

why won’t we just sit and talk.

 

voices are in my ear, i don’t listen

cotton clouds are overhead drowning them out.

piano sounds are in my head overclouding my thoughts

pictures of us are lingering on us, when will you come back…

 

its time to move on don’t you think?

so i why are you here?

just let me be, unfortunately. oh my.

 

 

insomnia brings such weird yet creative thoughts in my mind. it might be a song or just a poem full of empty thoughts. we’ll see.

Lost and Obsessed.

Like the phases of fashion i am once again lost and yearning to change.

i don’t reach for the high waisted skirts any longer. still in my heart but wanting more.

Lately i’ve been obsessed with:

1. Britney Spears’ new album, Circus.

2. Fantasy (mainly cotton clouds)

clouds Sip My Ocean

3. Jewelry (chunky bracelets, bow necklaces, bangles, & rings)

4. The Science of Sleep

scream.

the churning feeling at the pit of my stomach is telling me to get out of there.

sucked in and no way to get out without firmly stating “i don’t want to be here.”

i’m not the same girl i was before. 

i’m not in tune with that part of my life 

and i don’t plan on being in tune with him for a while.

 

major awkward turtle.