Here i sit in the dark with my little lamp and music softly pouring out of my headphones and into my ears. I just finished watching “Prozac Nation” with Christina Ricci. I love her acting skills and the mystery that she gives off. I wonder sometimes, about myself. That what if i was a different person. How my life would have turned out if i did the things i wanted and not quit. I’m wishing for a time traveling kit now. To be someone that everybody liked and not having to think about what some person was thinking about me. Am i really me? I take words very seriously, to the heart. That’s my problem.
Now i’m regretting thinking about the past. I envy those people who leave their past and don’t look back. They don’t question the “what ifs.” But i do and i always will. I think that is what will be the death of me. All those “what ifs” are kind of pissing me off now. And there is nothing i can do about it but i still live on. I’m choosing to live on and be happy. I’m content and still happy but this moment, this little moment is my tangent of…dare i say…depression? No, i’m not depressed. Even if i tried i couldn’t be completely depressed. Maybe i’m just a little sad, a different kind of sad.
The kind of sadness one gets randomly. I think it’s the quiet that brings this kind of sadness. Also certain types of films. Films and music get to me a lot, but more films. I get too engulfed into the plot and the emotions that actors lie about. But then the movie ends and i’m forced to move on with my life. I don’t move on that fast though. I dwell and think about it, think about my life and think about the characters life.
Now i’m just babbling. I shall stop my rant and start my pages and pages of reading for school.