Paulie Bleeker

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probably the best inside joke ever.

my butterflies are starting to grow.

can i be any more obvious??? 

i must say…i’m practically throwing myself at you.

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Oh Yann…

i want to fly through the soul in which you call your own.

what goes on in that mind of yours? i may never know.

the way you move makes me want to move with you in unison.

 

like a bird, you move your limbs so gracefully, 

i can’t even imagine anything more beautiful.

up and down, a little flutter that pitter pats in my heart

        it’s indescribable, i am left speechless.

 

at times you are eerie.

like a black cloud is hovering above you.

you know it’s there and yet you keep it there for a muse.

even then i still yearn to move with you.

 

my own little lullaby which no one will understand 

only you will, because you have created it. 

 

the buttons you push in my heart is what i love.

the feeling of “i feel alive.”

          that is all you give, and all i will ever take.

Happy.

It’s like i opened a big window and saw my life through it. I’ve come to realize that i am happy with my choices. Let’s just say my love life is in idle. I’m happy with just going to work, school, and being with friends. Boys just complicate things. If it happens, it will happen. But for now, all i need is this:

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minus the white creepy guy in the back

minus the white creepy guy in the back

that’s the jist of it…there are more things that make me happy but i still have homework to do. =D

Do i really???

i love the nights when my roommates and i get together and just talk. 

it’s real talk. whether it’s about guys, views on life, morals…we talk about anything.

which made me realize, on the topic of guys, do i really like him??

 

that is the question on my mind right now.

what is it about him that i like? i’ve said it before, but now that i think about it…there’s no “wow” factor. i’ve never had a full on conversation with him, and i love conversations that can go on for days. i have yet to experience that with him. i’m kind of getting tired of always trying to talk to him when i get nothing in return. i feel stupid sometimes after i talk to him because it was meaningless. i need depth, i need something that tells me i’m not wasting my time. 

i feel like i’m wasting my time.

Doubt.

This is probably my hormones talking or the movies and shows i keep watching but i don’t think i’ll ever be worthy enough for that. I love seeing old people in love walking hand in hand because you know that love is true, and its forever. For it to last that long is like a movie in itself. 

I was on the bus today and i saw 3 teenagers. 2 were a couple and one was the third wheel; i saw it in her eyes. That is what i have always felt and its probably what i’ll always feel. 

I’m pessimistic, i’m self-conscious, i will forever be flawed. 

and i think i’m getting used to that. 

 

ok, i’m done being emo.

time to be happy again.

True.

I hope this never changes. you and me.

anything i say, anything i do, it doesn’t matter. 

because you are true.

 

Thinking of when it will all be over scares me. 

but i’m hoping that thought never comes true

because it might just kill me.

 

There by day, there by night.

always a smile on your face, makes me smile.

 

I hope you know, 

i’m here. 

whenever, wherever.

i’ll be there. 

like you’re there…for me.

Falling.

I told myself that this time i will do things differently.

This time, i will not fall so easily.

I’m not falling…but i want to. 

 

Just thinking about it i know it’s a bad thing for me.

Especially now. 

Knowing that i will hurt, i will cry, i will regret it.

but i want it.

 

It’s sad.

If i’m ever close to that one thing, 

I stop and analyze my heart. 

I force to stop the feelings that will ruin me.

 

I’m afraid.