Numb.

that’s just it.

my heart is numb.

 

i have managed to close out everything i used to love and hate to feel. 

this shit better get me some A’s in my classes. 

cause there’s nothing else that will distract me now.

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so long sweet summer.

days of mindless wanderings and unexpected journey’s.

we had no care in the world, except to live.

in a place with nothing to do but eat great food with great company,

we did just that and then some.

 

no need to worry about the time because we had all the time in the world.

letting it slip out of our fingers too fast to catch the moment. 

still photos that lead us back to the time when we were free.

 

free with responsibilities that we chose to have

and we kept everything together without complain. 

it was possibly the best i’ve ever had with the best people.

 

wanting to go back and run away from this…moving forward crap. 

this feeling had perished from my insides 3 months ago,

and yet here i am, feeling it again.

 

here i thought it was over.

done with.

finito. 

and again i am alone.

 

this doubt.

 

“So I whisper in the dark,

Hoping you hear me

Do you hear me?

If I just breathe

Let it fill the space between 

I’ll know everything is alright

Breathe,

Every little piece of me

You’ll see

Everything is alright

Everything is alright if i just breathe… breathe”

long term.

our conversations.

they are random but always memorable.

a childhood crush, full of embarrassments and heartbreaks.

spilling my heart to him, was a bad idea.

 

i know better now.

 

under the streetlight, 

you look so…so…there’s not even a word for it.

the silences that aren’t so awkward but get me nervous.

 

reminding me of the love stories in the books i read.

the smell of each other and our likes and dislikes.

the crushing reality when time seems to stop…

but races at the same time and you think to yourself,

“where did the time go?”

 

the moments that i live for.

the moments that i imagine in my head.