i miss..

A pain.
so sharp to the heart.
i thought i left this behind.

it’s still lingers..deep.
tears fall,
and my heart aches with a pain i’ve never felt before.

the feeling
of i miss you.

i break for a while.
but in the end,
i know.

i’m alive.


my tummy.

Tossing and turning. That is how you will find me every night..on occasion there are those days where i’m too tired to bother about life and find myself in dreamland in 2 seconds.
Tonight is no different then any other night this week. My mind is full of..well..it’s full. I can’t seem to let go no matter how many times i “inhale..exhale” my problems out. I wouldn’t even call them problems, they’re just worries. I’m hoping this will make me feel better, even though after i reassure myself countless times of my future. Anyway, i hope this works.
My eyes are dead tired every night starting at the time of 11 o’ clock. Yet i have the urge to keep spending time on my computer hoping something exciting will happen. And of course like always, nothing ever does happen. Then when i convince myself it’s safe to sleep…i lay in bed listening to music that made me smile during the day. All of a sudden, my body is rested, but my mind is not. It never is. It’s stressed, my stomach is in knots, my nerves are getting the best of me.
Exhale..i do.
Nothing…relaxation does not take over my body or my mind. neither my soul.
Even at this very moment, my eyes are already closed..falling asleep by the sounds of
Harry Connick Jr. but i still keep babbling on. All because of the thing in my stomach. This rock that is called life, it keeps baggering on about the future. It worries me all the time, and when i’m not thinking about it..i secretly still am thinking about it. It’s in the back of my head.
It’s as if i have to finish all my goals because in about 5-10 years…i’ll be dead. Which that isn’t true..but i mean who know’s…it could happne. (knock on wood).

My God it’s 1:29 AM. The only place i’d rather be right now is asleep, and dreaming.
I love dreaming. As odd as it sounds, i look forward to sleeping because of my dreams.
Something ALWAYS interesting happens. It doesn’t seem realistic, but in my dreams, it is realistic. I miss it..i miss remembering them. What i wouldn’t give to fall asleep right now and dream a wonderful dream.

This may be one of many more entries that is not a poem. I guess i will have to break the habit.

p.s.=some of it might not make sense..there may be a number of typos, sentences that don’t make sense. But mind you that i am typing this while laying in my bed, eyes barely open (and i do have small eyes)..and i think i might be falling asleep. Goodnight world that gets me nervous and leaves me wreckless every night.


Blank. Empty.
it’s white with lines.
my heart is all over it.
in whispers and words.
I’m all over it.

Not blank anymore.
let’s hope it stays.
music; it helps.
It inspires.
It hurts.
It makes us smile.
It’s something new.

Quiet and dark in this room.
hear the heartbeat.
it’s love. it is love.

I live on pipeline dreams.
in this moment.
in this state.
i’m free.
i’m content.
i’m Happy.

I feel Nothing.

Fairytales and storybooks.
Musicals and playbooks.
why can’t life be happy endings and tragic like some of these.

Stargazing on rooftops.
lie down and look at the world.
Galaxies of wonder and curiosity.

Listen closely and carefully.
for you might miss the magic.
This feeling deep inside is…
unexplainable. eerie.

Never consistent.
Lost the moment.
Just Blank.



The ball drops.
Kisses & Hugs.
It’s the New Year.

No resolutions.
Tempting, but i just want happiness.

First captured moment of a slow dance.
Remarkable. Beautiful. Happy.

Endless movies with the best of friends.
A new friend from Liverpool.
S.S. time.
Family moments.
Written moments.
Relax. Chill.

But to go back…
Now that is something i can’t wait for.

So long 2007…2008 is a good year.

insomnia tragedy.

insomnia has taken over me this new years day.
one tragedy has been on my mind.
to lose the one you look up to at the ripe age of 18.
it’s the age you become a man/woman.
the age where you go and start fresh in college.
the age your thrown out into the real world.
it will never be the same for him.
life won’t be the same for him and his family.

tears roll down.
it’s not my tragedy
but to know that someday it will be my tragedy.
life goes on.
people get old.
we get old.

just know my dear friend.
life will get better.
i can’t imagine what you are going through.
cry. cause it’s ok to cry.
i will always be here for you.
for a hug. a conversation. just because.
i love you.