blackout.

fingers frozen
sitting in the dark
hear the strong winds
a faint sound of music
and we’re free.

power is gone
sense of sound is heightened
magic forms from the simplest of sounds.

wait.
just wait.
it’s still dark and cold.

the shadow of branches form
how scary it must be.
but it’s no monster.

no need to hide my love
it’s only a blackout.

Advertisements

stranger.

i’ve always wanted…

a complete stranger to be
my pen pal…well…email pal?
i’ve wanted one ever since i had a computer…
or should i say, ever since the first day i watched
you’ve got mail. (wonderful movie btw.)
to talk about nothing, but talk about everything,
to a complete stranger who gets you..
without even knowing you. doesn’t know
your face, but know’s everything about you.
all from email.
but is that possible with all these creepers online?
i sure hope so.

super random i know…
but it’s what i always wanted.
who knows. maybe i’ll get one someday.
but for now..all i could do is dream and wonder
what it would be like.

random.

windows down.
drive.
arm out.
the crisp cold air
touches your skin.

hear.
hear me.
are you listening?
cause i’m listening to you.

years to search.
i hope your looking too.
it makes me smile.
smile for me.

that sudden burst.
burst of joy, love, happiness…

someday.
i wait for that someday
all the time.

are you?

to love…would be an awfully big adventure.

first-love.jpg

silent love
outspoken love
love shown through the eyes.

to scream out to the world
to just fall because it’s worth it
not a care in the world, because your in it.

love for your significant other
love for your child
love for your family
love for your friends
that simple love you see on the streets.

the world is an amazing place
peel the layers and see whats within
& see what it has to offer.

dance to the beats of this love
sing to the melodies of this love
smile to the random moments of this love
love to the people you love.

no love from movies here.
just pure, real, difficult, amazing love.

yes…it’s worth it.
with you, everything is an adventure.
and you are definitely worth it.

nature’s wonder

murrell_small2.jpg

dark and cold.
the night lit up from tiny bright dots of joy.
frozen hands,
frozen toes,
frozen jaws,
& runny noses.
all for nature’s wonder.

it was my first..but not my last.
orion’s belt and we think a libra.
a big dipper and a mcdonald’s M.
some arrow’s and pepper’s.
neck pain, back pain
numb.
all for nature’s wonder.

a pact to take a cross country road trip.
body warmth and jam sessions.
album photos and cha cha lessons.
all for nature’s wonder.

a night to always remember.
December 14, 2007.
Meteor Shower.

sigh.

it’s over.
today should be a good day…
but no. it’s not.
i don’t know why,
and i can’t explain it.

i wish there was something i could
look forward to.
so i could be happy.

maybe it’s just today.

in a trance.

spin.jpg

a lifetime of hello’s and goodbye’s.
but who is to be the one that will take my heart with his hello?

i wish to dance.
dance in the dark with stars surrounding me.
to dance with you…pure bliss.

all these sounds, different and odd.
i treasure every sound, i treasure you.

this figure, does not exist.
not in my heart or life.
this figure has not said hello,
has not danced,
has not been treasured,
by me. yet.

overwhelmed

tears_of_naturepreview.jpg

in some movies, when a character experiences something tragic in there life or are stressed,
they somehow laugh hysterically and then they start to cry…emotionally.
i never thought that could happen..until last night.
it was something so painful, yet magical. weird i know, magical..
that pain in my stomach from laughing so hard, and not being able to breathe.
and then all of a sudden..a big wave of emotion came into place, and then i started to cry.
it was something that i have never in my life experienced…i guess a lot of firsts happen
in college. i’m guessing it was the stress of cramming hundreds of paintings and dates into
my tiny little brain.

i hope today’s cramming session doesn’t follow with laughter and tears.

in a state of…whatever.

i could be stronger.
i could be smarter..i should be.
i could be better at it then anyone else.
i could, i could, i could.

but my heart is not in it at the moment.
why?
is something lurking deep inside my conscious?
is there something preventing me from doing my job?
some things i worry about too much.

at this moment. 12:37am…
i should be dreaming…
or digging myself into articles & paintings.
but all i seem to want to do is listen to trance & jazz
and to write.
i want to create something unusual…but with these
hands..i don’t know.

Lord give me strength.

no title

feel the soft breezes against your skin
hearts start to melt within
smiles and laughs don’t compare to tears
when your around, you light up the room.
your fingertips are electric,
just like your presence.

hope, hope to God that you feel the same.
except it’s unfortunate that you don’t
life is good when you’re around…
life is good when you’re not around.
fast voices, fast pace
oh would i love to stay here forever.
my heart jumps..and i jump.
lets dance.
can we dance the night away?

cause i need it. bad

this feeling

written on: September 28, 2007

my dear heart
why are you breaking?
piano melodies and soothing voices
tears fall
eyes swell
unannounced emotion…
it’s not what i asked for.
unknown reasons
unknown answers.
it’s a heartache; it’s my heartbreak
my life; full of worry
nervous for things that have yet to come.
i could say i am happy; i am happy.
these voices are so loud
and i can’t even hear myself think.
finally a feeling that i have been waiting for.
to cry for myself.
to just let go and breathe.

i have secrets
i have changed
i feel bad for what i feel
and i wish i understood.
too afriad for others to know.
to keep it inside.
for almost no one knows my hardship.

unsatisfactory

written on: June 2, 2006

it seems as though, i am not good enough.
not good enough to satisfy the needs of
her and him. not good enough to satisfy the look
that he and she wants me to be. i know they love
me, but once in a while…could you at least
acknowledge that i am healthy and somewhat
smart? [not that smart i may add] but smart
enough to make good choices.
it just sucks.

feel

written on: May 24, 2006

i’m sophisticated yet crazy.
i’m split into two.
i’m wise yet dumb
these feelings are proof.
there is no perfect.
tried everything.
tried anorexia; so hungry
tried bulimia; gross
tried suicide; tears of agony.

a side. side that no one suspects.
it’s hard. life is hard.
suck it up.

is this bad? i think so.
blood; it drips
hopes; dying
love; living [barely]

i’m in a hole, dug deep down.
into the hot earth.
beauty it lies.
mirrors do also.
make it go away
so i could be happy.

change

written on: May 18, 2006

there’s dreams,
and then there’s reality.
we tend to want the dreams more,
when reality is going all wrong.

everything is changing
for the better and for the worse.
no shoulder to lean on
or to cry on.
what has happened?

why is there no quiet time?
punching and yelling…
seem no help whatsoever.

but you came,
you helped me out of the gutter
and made me feel normal;
partially happy.

this kind of frienship will
never break.
there will never be a dull moment.
we’ll grow old and
remember those good ol` days.

this is what i’ve been waiting for.
my eyes are not blurry,
my heart will never be broken.

yourself

written on: May 10, 2006

Stand still that snapshot
Stand still those tears and laughs
Happiness unveiled and frozen
Sadness hidden and captured
Dancing your way through.

Bubblegum pop takes me higher
Stop right there,
Thank you very much
Back in the 90’s is what I long for

Candid smiling, laughing, angry
Poses;
It happens to the best of us.
Show off your passion
Passion to love
Passion to create
The passion to be yourself.

Late night conversations
And sipping hot chocolate.
Falling asleep with the glasses on
Pillow fight anyone?

Getting dolled up
A night on the town.
Lets be pin up’s today
40’s child is calling.
Won’t you come back to me?

Weird sounds and noises
Moves us in a way
We never thought possible.
It’s all in the song
Didn’t you know?

I worry.
Worry for tomorrow
Tomorrow will be a new day.
Day’s that pass by
We take for granted.
Don’t be scared.
Just close your eyes.
I’m in heaven.

uncoordinated

written on: May 9, 2006

Broken words
Shattered into stars
Jupiter and Venus smile down
The moon weeps
Halleluiah

Take pictures
Take memories
Dance
Sing
Draw and write

These little wounds will soon
Be healed
Wait, wait for a moment
Yell to the ceiling
And watch it crumble down
On your happiness

First words are precious
You’re precious
They say.
I apologize.
But buttons are full of unhappy joys

Band-aid it
No matter how big or small
The awkward silence breaks
I’m sure I’m crazy

Blow me a kiss
This way.
Heavenly sent?
This is candid.

sorrow will soon bring happiness

written on: April 20, 2006

this heart of mine is breaking on it’s own.
no one there to lift up the spirits that it holds.
a tear drops like a bipolar experience.
oh dear, please tell me why.
tell me the rights from the wrongs.

it breaks for no such reason.
it is a bit emo…tional but it still manages.
play the song.
the song that makes the world smile.
the arms that wrap around the earth.
the stars that lead the lost home.

our eyes will soon smile with the happiness.
brought on by fields of weeds.
shout out and jump up.
our bad days are soon to be over.
but will soon be back again.

untitled

written on: May 8, 2006

Cause we are all damaged
Waiting to be fixed
Our dreams are all waiting
In idle and silence
And you scream
You scream out for all to hear
For all to look and see who you have become
Mistakes made, Promises broken
Keeps us going

Keep on strumming, strumming those strings
Keep on drumming, drumming those drums
Oh dear, we have gotten our hearts broken
By assholes
Time to mend? I think so.

You see the world so corrupt
Fight, fight for what you believe in
And shine.
Open your hearts and minds
Do not be afraid of the unknown
It will be good for you

Regret, take it and embrace it
Forgive and forget
Maybe.
Go where the wind blows
Have no doubts
Meanwhile, rock out
It’s necessary

Don’t be so pessimistic
Try to love yourself
Speak the words over and over again
Your miles apart from yourself
Relax.

Smile now and then
Love is a beautiful thing
Cry, cry because it’s wonderful
Don’t forget to breathe
My life is untitled;
At the moment.