break out.

i’m starting to slowly break out of my shell. i’ve met so many great new people within the last few months and i’m so thankful for them. they made me realize how fun life can be and how great i can be. i think it’s time i embrace my whole self and believe in myself rather than set my feelings aside in a dusty corner. i hope this “new” me will last because i’m tired of waiting for things to happen…when i know i can make them happen.

it was like…magic.

spontaneous trips at night.

an adventure in of itself.

made me realize how much i love it.

in the day time,

in the night time.

i fall in love, each time.

your dazzling lights that seem to go on forever,

accentuate the delicate architecture of the victorian.

 

tonight was so chill. went party hopping after work with my dsw girls. best part? eating at nations before ending the night. even though i have work in 6 hours but only have 4 hours to sleep…i don’t regret a thing.

I Like, Sailing Home

i’m sitting here and listening to this melodic electronic amazing sound, and all the while

my mind is my heart and my soul is in front of my body.

my feet feel like they’re dancing and swaying with the beats

but really, they are completely still.

the world is still,

my body is still,

but my mind races.

 

i don’t know you

but when i do,

i hope that i can get lost in your eyes.

i hope that you can make my stomach hurt from laughing.

i hope that i won’t have to hope anymore.

Wild.

early cartoons,

nothing to do but play and live.

so carefree,

and nothing can touch us.

as we held hands we looked up

and screamed.

so loud we felt the clouds take form

of our imagination.

2 sheets, some pillows, a long stick,

and some tape.

we become invisible.

the bad days don’t exist inside.

Beautiful Mess

Has this happened before?

This subtle nudge i feel in my heart.

I have felt this before.

It’s the beginning of a beautiful mess

that i don’t want to pick up anymore.

There you will stay, a mess.

We’ll make angels in it and roll around in it.

If i’m lucky enough, i’ll let you in.

Into the mess that is my heart.

Other Side.

the sun,

it shines on the top of our soon to be grown up skins.

beads of sweat drip down as we laugh to our youth.

stomach pains of abs contracting gives us a reason to take a breath,

and continue.

yes, the grass is greener on the other side

but what does it take to get there?

Speaking A Dead Language

We built a tall, tall tower
towards the sun, towards the sun
took some words and built a wall
we called it love, called it love

And somewhere in all the talking
the meaning faded out

Oh I wonder
when did it all stop making sense
I don’t understand
I remember
we were so sure, so innocent
oh but that was then
can we ever go back again
can we ever go back again

“The only rule is don’t be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in.”

I know better now…

i’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. i don’t know why.

i don’t know if you’ve ever missed me but i know i’ve missed you.

you were such a big part of my life and

i think that’s why i’ve been mad for such a long time.

but i’m not mad anymore. i’m not the same person you once knew.

i want to talk to you so badly,

i just don’t know what words i would say.

i’m really not sure if your ever going to see this but i miss you

사 랑.

mon ami

your light,

it shines off of you.

it rolls off of the tip of your fingers

and enters my soul.

your words are profound,

your words give me hope

for a better me.

Internal

this heart, my heart.

it doesn’t care as much anymore.

crush it to pieces and nothing is left

for me to spare.

i want to yell and scream my words

but my words stop me.

a brick wall that grows in my esophagus

yields me to say what i mean.

and what i mean to say is not what my

heart wants to say.

always a tug of war with my mind and heart.

sometimes i just want to pack everything and go somewhere.

to do what i want and say what i want without having to hold it in

or hide it.

Rambles

scattered  paint on the wall,

mixed up and fast paced

on our wall.

it oddly reminds me of us now,

cause our lives have been turned upside down.

what happened?

where did it go,

wrong.

even now i look back and wonder.

what could have been us,

what could of been great,

it was all thrown away.

what seemed to be real,

what seemed to be fate,

it was all just fake.

crash

…and here comes the crash.

suddenly i feel like a little girl wanting to run and hide under a table.

that was fast.

Hopes are high.

i haven’t felt this way in a very long time. you know, the feeling you get when your hopes are so high that you know it’s going to come crashing down soon. i can’t help but wonder if our meeting was the work of fate or coincidence?

the rush of thoughts going through my brain at that moment made me loose my breath. i couldn’t think straight because i wasn’t expecting for this to happen. is it really true? that when you least expect it, it hits you in the face? i’m the type of person that always thinks of the future. i never let any thought out of my sight, and yet this time i did. i wasn’t expecting anything in return.

let’s see how far this goes.

Reasons

one of the reasons why i love San Francisco. free live simulcast of Il Trovatore at AT&T Ball Park. 25,000 people showed up to enjoy opera.

..

i don’t know what more i can do.

i’m here to stay.

i’ve always said that i’ll stay in san francisco even after i graduate.

but i just realized that i’m actually going to stay in san francisco. i need to.

los angeles will always be my first home. but it’s no place for me anymore.

all the great memories that bring nostalgia are just that; memories.

no more turning back,

the past is the past.

all i can do now, is look toward the future.

ici

i’ve been sitting here for the past 20 years and wondering to myself, where are you?

my life may be complete even if your not in it, but i feel the need to have you just to see what the fuss is about.

i’m tired of waiting and i’m tired of not looking for it just so i can get it. this is fucking lame.

i’m like years behind of everyone on this level and i’m scared i won’t ever get there.

truly something must be wrong with me.

because i’ve been sitting here. ici. here.

waiting.

Smoke

sit down and breathe it in.

listen.

long strings of noise that flutter with every whisper.

fans of palms that act as drums

soothe the inner being of my soul.

listen.

heart beats and laughter echo around

on cold summer night.