I know.

words cannot even describe how i feel for you.

words that have not yet turned into coherent material feelings for you.

it’s somewhere deep down inside but i won’t let it float to the top.

drowning and suffocating because i’m just too afraid.

i don’t know how you truly feel about me.

if it’s for real or if it’s “just at the moment”…i really don’t know.

i know you’ll never tell me your feelings.

i know one day you’ll stop talking to me and i won’t be hurt cause you’ve done it before.

i know i’m confused and in denial. i know. but it’s who i am.

Filed under: Love , Love

Summer Read

1. The Bell Jar

2.  My Sister’s Keeper

3. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

4.  Seven days in the Art World

5.  The Historian (i will finish it this time..i hope)

6.  The Fountainhead

7.  The Great Gatsby (for the second time)

8.  Eat, Pray, Love

9.  The Time Traveler’s Wife

this book list will keep me busy.

any suggestions for great reads?

Filed under: random , booklist, literature, summer

Blue Sky

you are beautiful. that is what he says.

that cryptic smile he gives is what keeps my heart beating.

yes, the mystery in him is what gives.

an unpredictable scent that follows him like a shadow,

it makes the butterflies in my stomach flutter to no end.

we name the fluffs of water in the blue blue sky,

picking up all the wondrous figurines dancing in front of our eyes.

skaters and ballerinas, a zoo and a school of fish.

what we see is what we feel.

and we feel for each other.

Filed under: Love , imagination, Love, poetry

one

i loathe the moments when a rush of salt water flows over my curled lashes.

for when those moments come everything i’ve built up breaks down.

down to the floor where i don’t know how to scoop up the mess i’ve made.

my doubts have become more apparent and my lies have become more believable.

Filed under: Life , doubt, heartbreak, Love

Waiting.

Deep navy blue waters

caressed by white shimmers of the moon.

 

the two ropes keep me in.

 

My two dark black of eyes stare out

as i inhale, they close.

 

Where are you?

Filed under: Love , Love, ocean, time

Soul

Paper hearts line up on my arm

you put them there.

Cotton daisies are on my doorstep

you sent them here.

Yards of blue yarn

you gave me the ocean.

A thousand candles

you lit the stars in my room.

 

My heart was yours since the day i laid eyes

on your soul.

Filed under: Love , beauty, Life, Love, soul

Till Forever

you left the light on

and i went under the board.

passing through poles

following your breathing.

 

the soothing waters to my left

in a pitch black airy bubble.

pinches of light you gave to me

my soul became yours.

 

closer and closer

i felt for you. 

i touched your heart.

 

electric feels through my bones

and my heart beats till forever.

Filed under: Love , Love

I see

the pages are turning and a thrill comes over me.

a slight pain that jerks my heart 

and the sight of candy red drops to my toes.

 

flashback to years before

my mind is set into that same moment.

what i should have said but i didn’t.

what i could have done but didn’t.

 

life has changed.

i have changed…for the better.

 

field of daisies that is my heart

a bunch of balloons that is my soul

the non-existent is what keeps me going.

keeps me hoping,

dreaming,

and living.

Filed under: Life , dream, imagination, Life

TWENTY

happy birthday to me =)

Filed under: Life

Marin Headlands

Spontaneity drives the soul.

and it drove us to here.

Blasting on the speakers with a thump of its own,

90’s slow jams and a whole lot of corrine bailey rae.

 

We’ve arrived.

one step out and a breeze chills the spine.

My eyes are wandering in so many directions.

 

To the left is the city. A fogless night was made for this view.

and straight up what do i see? 

The view that i have been yearning for. 

 

I swear corrine was making the stars dance around my 

eyes just for me.

Still and peaceful, it was like a dream.

Filed under: Love , dream, headlands, stars

Turn To Stone

let’s take a better look

beyond a story book

and learn our souls are all we own

before we turn to stone.

 

let’s go to sleep with clearer heads

and hearts too big to fit our beds

and maybe we won’t feel so alone

before we turn to stone

 

and if you wait for someone else’s hand

and you will surely fall down

and if you wait for someone else’s hand

you’ll fall, you’ll fall.

 

i know that i am nothing new

there’s so much more than me and you

but brother how we must atone

before we turn to stone.

Filed under: Love , ingrid michaelson, lyrics

i’m here. i’m here.

in an instant. 

that’s how it happens.

everything you live and breathe, 

everything that’s in your heart,

gone.

 

like wilting petals from a flower.

beautiful and vibrant,

then one day it wilts.

floating all the way down to the ground.

 

all we have is each other.

all we can do is pray.

all we can do is hope for the best,

that things will get better.

Filed under: Life , family, friends, Life, Love, tragedy

Eureka

After all these months which felt like years,

I finally know for sure what i felt for you.

I fell hard…maybe too hard. 

 

I know it’s only been 2 years

but out of all them,

you were the only one who made my heart drop..and you still do.

 

Everyone else were just attractions and little crushes.

You were neither…you took me by storm. 

 

I don’t know when i’ll see you or when i’ll talk to you,

but i know that when i do, all those feelings will rush back to me. 

 

I haven’t seen you in about 8 months.

but these 8 months have felt like 2 years. 

and finally after all this time, trying to figure out what 

i truly felt for you…i know. 

 

There is only one person who blew me away, and it was you.

just you…

Filed under: Life, Love , Life, Love, revelation

So Fast..

As the sun seeps through the cotton pink curtains,

our face is lit up with joy. 

We have our own theme song for the day,

follow that and all will turn out okay.

 

No worries, no cares…it’s time.

endless hours and countless laughs..

it’s what makes up our days. 

 

We played and we laughed. We imagined all that we could.

And now we’ve grown…grown to have forgotten the innocent

eyes of how we saw the world…a playground. 

 

A place full of magic that was just for us. 

Sprinklers, rainbows, stars, lights, trees, grass, paint, chalk,

clouds, water balloons, and anything else our minds could come up with.

i’d love to go back.

Filed under: Life , childhood, imagination, Life

The World We Live In

No words can describe the pain i felt in my heart.

An endless pool of tears and the heartbreak of a thousand break-ups can’t even compare.

This is life, this is reality.

To think that that could have been me.

And i can’t be more thankful for what i have.

God is definitely good.

more about “Crossing – Trailer on Vimeo“, posted with vodpod

Filed under: 1, Life , Crossing, Life, LiNK, North Korea

Is it bad?

sometimes i stare down into the well of steps that lead me home.

wondering what would happen if i leaped for eternity into a blanket of hope.

one, two, three, four…etc.

the pain feels good either way you choose,

heart beats races like a horse on a mission.

 

sometimes i go the other way.

the way to hovercrafts into a block of cement that lead me home.

wondering what would happen if i pushed the button just for a moment alone.

 

a quiet place that’s home to a pin drop.

a forgotten world where existing is nothing.

a gasp of air is the remedy but all knowledge is out the window,

basking in the sunlight, taking in the scenery that tells us it’s heaven.

 

a knock on the skull from my friends on both sides

whispering sweet nothings into my ear which surpasses all thoughts.

but for a moment i was stuck in a moment asking…

is it bad?

Filed under: Life , doubt, Life, poetry

Closure.

Time has passed and as i write this, i don’t have that pain in my stomach as i did before. I don’t cringe thinking about you or hearing your name. I don’t feel annoyed anymore at the things you did. Although, at times i still do get angry because that is how much it hurt.

I was angry with you. No…i was furious, maybe it was beyond that point. I used to think, this is it. Life is good because your in it and we’re going to be together for as long as we shall live. I made plans…they were stupid plans, but nonetheless plans. 

Plans which included living in the city together, maybe someday building a family at the same time with our kids playing in the front yard becoming bff’s like us. Now that i think about it, it was stupid. 

Stupid to think that life would stay good. For a while i believed in it, for a while i believed in you.

For a long time i was mad…not at the world. Just whenever your name came up or when i randomly thought of you. I honestly can say that whenever the topic of you came up, i cringed. I wanted to leave the room. 

It’s funny because you left me…all the times you told me you were scared because everyone leaves you. Yet you did this to me. All the times i stood up for you behind your back and all the times i looked the other way when i heard things about you, i stayed. I stayed because i am a good friend. 

Then slowly, i saw you change. Maybe i made you change, maybe i scared you? I don’t know. 

 

I knew it was hard for you to act like yourself, i understood. And i hoped that one day that you would break down those walls for me because i was your best friend…you were to me, i’m not sure anymore if i was to you. Anyways, i was stupid to think that one day you would change. And then it happened. I realized i was wasting my time. So i moved on. After all the friends i have lost, you were the one that turned my heart cold. I gave up. All the things they said, it was true. 

 

I randomly thought of you today in my english class. I wasn’t angry or sad…i guess you can say i was content. Content at the fact that you are all but a memory to me now.

I tried imagining us sitting down and drinking coffee to catch up, but i couldn’t. It’s as if you weren’t real. It’s an odd thing to think that way, but it’s true. I can’t see us laughing like we used to, i can’t see us hugging either. Nothing. 

So yes, you might think that i was a bitch for what i did. But i had to do it so i can move on and not dwell at the fact that i lost you. 

 

I look at my life now, and it’s good. 

Your just a memory, and always will be.

Filed under: Life , Life, memory

Lay with me.

the cool breath against my cheek.

my body wrapped up in your warmth.

the simple gesture of being there,

saying “i’ll always be there.”

 

face to face,

eye to eye.

our hands seem to intertwine into infinity.

there’s no need to dream because this is it.

 

forever is ours to keep.

Filed under: Love , Love

Sport

Mission Accomplished. Last night is exactly what i needed…even though there were no jaggerbombs, it’s all goooooood. 

 

But seriously, walking in 4 1/2 inch heels while lit should be a sport. I don’t know how i did it without falling or tripping. I wasn’t even close to falling. Best part of the night? My friends parents showing up at the thai restaurant we were eating at. We totally tried acting normal, apparently it worked. 

Love my girls. <3

Filed under: Life

Giving Up

What if we stop having a ball?

What if the paint chips from the wall?

What if there’s always cups in the sink?

What if i’m not what you think i am?

 

What if I fall further than you?

What if you dream of somebody new?

What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?

Well what if I do?

 

cause…

I am giving up on making passes and

I am giving up on half empty glasses and

I am giving up on greener grasses.

I am giving up.

-Ingrid Michaelson

Filed under: Love , ingrid michaelson, Love